Charthur: Part II

Arthur didn’t like the way that Dr. Marshall implied that the baby wasn’t out of danger. He didn’t want to think of her as being in danger. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t have any answers, and he didn’t know what Dr. Marshall was going to suggest. And Chardonnay… she was literally falling apart in his arms right now.

When she shook her head and the tears kept coming, he wiped the trails off her cheek again, frowning slightly. Did she think he didn’t care about her? Was that what the head shake meant?

Without really thinking about it he slid his hand back to gently move her head back down closer to his shoulder, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He couldn’t look at her eyes anymore if the reason she was shaking her head was the other reason, the one he feared. Her not returning the feelings. He hated not knowing, but he meant what he said about not going anywhere. Not now, when he knew she needed him.

He heard Dr. Marshall sigh, his brow twitching slightly in irritation. He knew the man meant well, and was only trying to help, but he hated that he didn’t know what was going to happen. What was their plan? He was the doctor – he went to fucking medical school to learn this shit, didn’t he?

”Okay.” Arthur tried to keep his temper level, his fingers gently stroking Chardonnay’s hair as he spoke, ”Are you going to keep her here or not? What are we going to do, going forward? I know what happened, and I know we can’t change that. All I want to know is how we’re going to deal with it. Please, Dr. Marshall, just tell me what to do.”

His tone was desperate as he glanced up at the man. ”Do you need to do more tests to determine if she has to stay?”

Arthur looked at Dr. Marshall, frowning. Keeping her here for the whole duration of the pregnancy? That would be a long visit, and he knew Chardonnay would hate it. Her restaurant would need to be watched by someone not her — definitely her biggest dislike factor. He bit the inside of his cheek.

It was the first priority for her to be safe. Her business would still be there; everything would still be there. But imagining Chardonnay having to stay here for months? He looked away from Dr. Marshall.

”What matters is that they’re safe. So test her levels or whatever and we’ll deal with that then.” his voice was tired even to his own ears, and he let out a small sigh. ”Her mother will be here soon, along with my sister. They’ll at least want to see her and know she’s okay.”

Arthur listened to Dr. Marshall, his chest tightening at what the decision to stay here would cost Chardonnay. A loss of independence, a huge stress, he didn’t want to see her have to deal with that on top of what else was going on.

When Dr. Marshall said he was going to get her medicine Arthur nodded, and watched him go. That left him and Chardonnay alone again. He glanced down at her. She was still shaking, just slightly, but no longer crying wildly. When she spoke, Arthur watched.

With the way she looked down, Arthur wasn’t sure if she was apologizing to him or the baby.

”Hey.” Arthur reached down to gently lift her face, so he could observe hers. The tear tracks were still there, some fresher than others. ”We’re going to fix this, no matter what it takes. But, you…” he thought back to how she’d not told him she wasn’t feeling well, or eating, or miserable.

”You can tell me things. You can trust me. I don’t care if you think it’s something I won’t want to hear. You can talk to me, and you have to talk to me in the future so we can prevent this from getting any worse.”

He couldn’t know if she’d listen and communicate more with him, but he had to try and get her to. Not just for the sake of their relationship, but also for the baby’s life.

Arthur already knew she was unhappy and suspected that she wanted to leave, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear her say. He bit his lower lip, feeling warmth build behind his eyes. This was it. This was her telling him she didn’t want him.

No amount of suspicion could ever make this easier to hear.

He thought she was going to say she didn’t want him, so be braced himself, but instead she followed it with the word trapped. His brow furrowed and he looked at her. Was that what she thought this was? A trap?

She wanted him to find love. To be happy.

”Chardonnay.” he said, mind scrambling. ”If you want to leave, then I won’t stop you. If that’s what you want because I want you to be happy. But, I… I don’t want you to.”

He could feel his voice crack,and paused to breathe. He looked at Chardonnay’s eyes. ”Because I want you. I care about you. Even before I found out you were pregnant, I missed you. But I knew you never wanted a relationship, so I — but, but now, I…” he couldn’t stop the tears from leaking now, and he pulled his hand away from Chardonnay’s shoulder to wipe at his face. Trying to think about how he shouldn’t cry only made it worse. ”I care about you. And I want to make you happy. I want to be part of your future. But if you’re really miserable with me, then that’s… I’ll…” he didn’t know where to go with the sentence and the tears just kept coming — he pressed his palm to one of his eyes and his expression squirmed.

This was the most genuine they’d ever been with one another, Arthur realized. There were a few other times they’d been real, but ever since their relationship -- and this pregnancy – started, they hadn’t really talked. It’d just been a series of miscommunications and nightmares. He thought she couldn’t stand him or the baby, but it turned out she just didn’t know how to feel about any of it. She thought she was trapping him. He slowly shook his head, unable to look away from her eyes. He finally looked away from her eyes, down at her stomach below them.

”I know this isn’t a typical… relationship. It never has been. It’s not what I pictured for myself when I was younger, either, or how I ever expected to have a child.” He could see his younger self in his mind’s eye. He’d dreamed of falling in love with someone genuine and frugal-minded like himself, someone who wanted a big family and kids and someone he could grow old with. He wanted to feel loved, valued. But he wanted to take care of someone, too. He wanted to know he could help them. He wanted to genuinely love someone and be loved back. ”And I know you think you know what I want but that’s not – look,” he gave her a tired look, reaching over to cup her cheek in one of his hands.

”Screw whatever you think I want or deserve right now because I’m telling you, I don’t know when it started. It was just… it’s just that you’ve been a part of my life for over a decade. I know we weren’t dating, that we were still just fooling around, but you didn’t keep me from a relationship. I wanted to keep meeting up with you because I didn’t want anyone else.” He frowned slightly.

”A big family has never been a requirement for me. I just want to try. You’re not keeping me from anything I don’t want. I don’t care how complicated this gets, I still want you.”

Arthur’s lips slowly twitched from a frown to a slight smile.

”You think i’m an expert on this? I’m not. I’ve never been in another relationship. It’s okay not to know what to do.” Arthur leaned a little closer, so their foreheads were touching and his hand was still on her cheek. ”I know. I know you haven’t been trying. If… if you really aren’t happy and you don’t want to be in a relationship after the baby’s born, that’s…. but I can’t just… I can’t just give up when I know you haven’t given it, us, a chance.”

He looked at her face as she leaned into his cheek, the smile softening at the sight. ”Just let me im and be genuine. That’s all you have to do.”