Post by Shelby on Oct 11, 2016 20:33:16 GMT
Toni's outfit (Except the heels; she's wearing white flats. And no jacket)
Toni never felt more rebellious then when having to sneak her way up to the rooftop of the pool building to meet the infamous Clay Carpet for one of the many chats they had had over the past... Year, was it, if even that. Shifting her shaded eyes back and forth, Toni clutched her filled backpack tighter to her shoulder and ducked her head down. Hearing the students bypass her as if she were nothing but a shadow in the wind, she continued on her way, silently padding her way closer to the building she had become all too acquainted with, ironically in a much different way than she had ever expected to. She should be used to this by now, she knew she should, but coming back off a summer where she had been so used to following the rules, where she had gone back to the ways of being shut up in the shell of hers other than in the face of her parents and her little brother, things changed. Her heart beat in her chest like she remembered it doing the first dozen times she sneaked to the pool building rooftop, wondering if she was going to get caught, always suspecting she would and always imagining the dire consequences that she and Clay wold have to face because of what they were doing. But eventually that would calm down.
God, she wanted this to all calm down.
She tried to bring back the settled calmness she always felt on the roof with Clay, of when they'd talk over the setting sun and the shining stars, and how he always made her felt normal, of how he made her feel so unashamed of her body. Of how she could easily talk to him with no worry. It worked for the moment. Toni continued walking and the grip on her bag slackened, but as a group of students walked adjacent to her she curled up again until they walked ahead and didn't look back.
Confidence. Toni said to herself that she had more confidence, and she did; just that being in an environment with so many people was dizzying again, and being in a school environment specifically tended to bring back those bad memories of her childhood. Her therapist continued to tell her that school settings would be difficult for her, but she never imagined like this. Over the summer as she worked for an internship at a beauty parlor things had been easier; less people, more concentration on her work, but it had still been... Difficult. People questioned her eyes, her complexion, and wondered where she came from, and in a round about way she tried to answer the questions. In the beginning she cried, told her parents that she didn't know if she could do this, but eventually she got through it. And she loved the work. Eventually, people stopped caring and started worrying about their own appearances, their own complexions, and their own worries in life.
There were times where she still hated herself, though; where she still hated her body and her appearance, but Toni was beginning to come to the understanding that she was probably never going to be able to accept herself as well as other people were able to accept themselves. It sucked. But as long as she could accept herself a little bit, at times, it was okay. As long as she could look at herself in the mirror sometimes and not want to break it or cry, then that was okay.
The worry now, however, was with Clay. With her change in hair color, she wondered if he'd say anything, or if he'd even notice. Would he like it, or would he hate it? Just thinking about it made her stomach churn, had made her even think about declining her offer to meet him on the roof earlier, but she couldn't have done that. The temptation to see him again had been too much; it had been so long since she had seen him, since she had probably been able to talk to him, and... She missed him. A lot. Besides, she had a few things for him. Yet, she was afraid. Just as she had been afraid to meet him the first time in the pool. Funny how they were meeting up for the first time in the same place, just in a different part. Instead of being immersed in the water, they were going to be up on the roof, immersed with the stars and the sky.
Making it to the building, Toni casually made her way inside and could faintly smell the chlorine embedded in the walls permanently. She could hear evening swimmers doing laps in the pool and the echos of student voices in the locker rooms. She had to be quick. Swallowing, Toni turned and headed down the hall, her flat white shoes padding along the tiled floors. With practiced ease, she turned down one hall, and then another, until she made it to a usually locked door. She twisted the knob, heard the click, and quickly made her way inside, quietly closing it behind her, and ascended the stairs.
The setting sun cast an orange glow along the roof. The metal air filtration systems sticking out and fans glinted the sun's reflection harshly, making Toni glad that she had her sunglasses over her eyes. Stray bird's nest left from over the summer were hidden in corners, flecks of straw and mud littering here and there. Just as usual. Dropping her backpack, Toni pulled out the usual blanket she brought and spread it out along the ground. She stood above it, her heart racing, and nodded her head. All right, well... That was it. Now, all there was was to wait for Clay.
Toni never felt more rebellious then when having to sneak her way up to the rooftop of the pool building to meet the infamous Clay Carpet for one of the many chats they had had over the past... Year, was it, if even that. Shifting her shaded eyes back and forth, Toni clutched her filled backpack tighter to her shoulder and ducked her head down. Hearing the students bypass her as if she were nothing but a shadow in the wind, she continued on her way, silently padding her way closer to the building she had become all too acquainted with, ironically in a much different way than she had ever expected to. She should be used to this by now, she knew she should, but coming back off a summer where she had been so used to following the rules, where she had gone back to the ways of being shut up in the shell of hers other than in the face of her parents and her little brother, things changed. Her heart beat in her chest like she remembered it doing the first dozen times she sneaked to the pool building rooftop, wondering if she was going to get caught, always suspecting she would and always imagining the dire consequences that she and Clay wold have to face because of what they were doing. But eventually that would calm down.
God, she wanted this to all calm down.
She tried to bring back the settled calmness she always felt on the roof with Clay, of when they'd talk over the setting sun and the shining stars, and how he always made her felt normal, of how he made her feel so unashamed of her body. Of how she could easily talk to him with no worry. It worked for the moment. Toni continued walking and the grip on her bag slackened, but as a group of students walked adjacent to her she curled up again until they walked ahead and didn't look back.
Confidence. Toni said to herself that she had more confidence, and she did; just that being in an environment with so many people was dizzying again, and being in a school environment specifically tended to bring back those bad memories of her childhood. Her therapist continued to tell her that school settings would be difficult for her, but she never imagined like this. Over the summer as she worked for an internship at a beauty parlor things had been easier; less people, more concentration on her work, but it had still been... Difficult. People questioned her eyes, her complexion, and wondered where she came from, and in a round about way she tried to answer the questions. In the beginning she cried, told her parents that she didn't know if she could do this, but eventually she got through it. And she loved the work. Eventually, people stopped caring and started worrying about their own appearances, their own complexions, and their own worries in life.
There were times where she still hated herself, though; where she still hated her body and her appearance, but Toni was beginning to come to the understanding that she was probably never going to be able to accept herself as well as other people were able to accept themselves. It sucked. But as long as she could accept herself a little bit, at times, it was okay. As long as she could look at herself in the mirror sometimes and not want to break it or cry, then that was okay.
The worry now, however, was with Clay. With her change in hair color, she wondered if he'd say anything, or if he'd even notice. Would he like it, or would he hate it? Just thinking about it made her stomach churn, had made her even think about declining her offer to meet him on the roof earlier, but she couldn't have done that. The temptation to see him again had been too much; it had been so long since she had seen him, since she had probably been able to talk to him, and... She missed him. A lot. Besides, she had a few things for him. Yet, she was afraid. Just as she had been afraid to meet him the first time in the pool. Funny how they were meeting up for the first time in the same place, just in a different part. Instead of being immersed in the water, they were going to be up on the roof, immersed with the stars and the sky.
Making it to the building, Toni casually made her way inside and could faintly smell the chlorine embedded in the walls permanently. She could hear evening swimmers doing laps in the pool and the echos of student voices in the locker rooms. She had to be quick. Swallowing, Toni turned and headed down the hall, her flat white shoes padding along the tiled floors. With practiced ease, she turned down one hall, and then another, until she made it to a usually locked door. She twisted the knob, heard the click, and quickly made her way inside, quietly closing it behind her, and ascended the stairs.
The setting sun cast an orange glow along the roof. The metal air filtration systems sticking out and fans glinted the sun's reflection harshly, making Toni glad that she had her sunglasses over her eyes. Stray bird's nest left from over the summer were hidden in corners, flecks of straw and mud littering here and there. Just as usual. Dropping her backpack, Toni pulled out the usual blanket she brought and spread it out along the ground. She stood above it, her heart racing, and nodded her head. All right, well... That was it. Now, all there was was to wait for Clay.